Writing has become my outlet,

this has become my public journal

My thoughts and feelings pour out onto the pages

as I expose every side of who I am for the world to see

When I write time does not exist,

nothing else is on my mind,

I am in a bubble

I am at peace

It is my journey,

my words are my thoughts,

it is my growth and progress, helping me become the person I am and have an outlet when needed.

It is my vortex and my truth.

each day with a vibe and feeling of its own.

allowing you to see the entire journey the way it is… you are not alone.

&&

Today was a good day,

scratch that

Today was an amazing day.

I am back into routine and routine feels good.

It keeps me balanced and at ease

I have been so freaking indecisive lately. I can’t make up my mind on even the smallest decisions. I think it is because I have been alone for two years now. The world is on my shoulders, every decision and choice it’s me all me. And that is sometimes hard to handle.

I want so badly to be taken care of

To feel loved and wanted.

But right now I am learning to love myself.

Today I looked in the mirror and freaking loved the girl that looked back

I loved my body

I loved my mind

I loved my outfit

and had a perfect day.

I spoiled myself shopping, working on redoing my office to create a good vibes environment for creativity and life. To propel these big dreams forward.

But while on the note of dreams. I have been super annoyed lately.

I have a killer team together to help create this brand that is me,

but they just don’t seem to have the passion or drive I do

and that.. that is killing me.  I know they have skills, why does it take me nagging to make it happen.

I am trying my freaking best to just ….. let it be

but comee on….. I want to make this happen

and I want it to happen now… why? because I need to get the eff out of this corporate world.

Everything is riding on this

I need to find a new source of income

and I am ready for my life to explode… where is the explosion mr universe?

I have been trying my best for two years… learning lesson after lesson

growing and changing…

where is my reward

when do I start to see things change

when can I leave this damn job….

when Can I get paid to do what I love?

When can I start to have more days like yesterday and today? because these days are exactly the way I want every day to be…

When can I fall in love? ugh, why has this always been a challenge for me? like what is it about me?

I realized the change in who I am that has taken place and the change in mindset.

I used to be depressed.

Now I am anxious and always thinking about the future, planning and planning…

How do I learn to be more in the present

How can I learn to live my yoga

to just chill the efff out and let it be?

the truth is I am terrified

I know failure isn’t in my cards and success is my destiny. yet where is it?

what am I doing that it hasn’t happened?

Why do I have to work so hard and push so much? Why can’t my team just freaking care like I care?

I just need to let it be.

Turn to this public journal and lay it all out,

work through the thoughts,

my dreams …. and then let it go

this journal is my saviour,

my grail and the reason for my progress.

It gets everything in my head out, instead of swirling around.

These are the habits I need to move forward.

&& once I realize that that is when the breakthroughs happen.

that is when progress happens.

brands approach me

opportunities open up.

life is actually all about letting go

but that is the hardest thing we can do.

I feel like if I can just cut the cord to the job I am at now… it will all be different?

I need out, and I need a way

I need love and laughter…

show me mr universe, what does this girl have to do to make that happen

hello are you listening? Ill do what you tell me, this is my surrender.

I loved yesterday

I loved today

show me how I can live more days like these,

without my 9-5

help me leave this place so I can make the impact I need to make

so I can pursue my calling…. and oh hey btw.. a publicist would be cool

send me a genie

I know my wishes

wave your wand please and grant me three

Let me travel the world and speak to others,

I clearly have a lot to say and can help others on their path

I can save lives

I can change lives

what do I need to do?

I just want my dreams to happen so freaking bad…. but I know this girls gotta chillll…… this helps me chill… this is cool.