Behind The Instagram
My life is amazing
And I am grateful everyday for the opportunities I have
I have worked my butt off for it, I came from nothing and had the choice of two paths.
But I never ever want another girl to envy me
Or try to live up to the standards of the pictures I post
The pictures tell part of the story
The good times I choose to share But the pictures aren’t be full story,
There is more to life than the picture perfect moments
And I am not perfect nor is my life as perfect as the pictures you see
I came from mental illness, depression, anxiety, stress, anger and hate.
It was all I knew growing up, until I decided to make a change,
A change I am determined to make last.
But some days it’s easier said than done, some days I fall into a rut, I fall into old patterns, I get down and I get anxious.
Do not strive to live up to the standards of the pictures I or anyone else posts. They are impossible standards because they are not real
Recently I was in a rut.
To the outside eye, my life was good, amazing…. perfect
I was travelling the world, ✈
Opportunities were unfolding daily,
And projects were launching faster than I could grasp,
But….my mind was busy, so freaking busy I wanted my life to explore the way I deserved
The one I had been fighting for day in and day out for years,
I wanted to be the brand I was creating and enjoy the fruit of my labours.
I wanted My dreams to come true
I wanted to do whatever it took to make it happen
And although there was progress, it was slow, wanted it now
And this progress although looked great on the outside, it wasn’t paying the bills
I was scared,
I was scared of so much
I was scared of failing,
Of not having an income,
Of Investing so much and not seeing the hard work pay off
More than anything I was scared I was getting back into my old ways, my biggest fear was that in an instant I would revent back to that old girl. This scared me, I know I have come too far.
No I was terrified
That I was a fake
I was coaching people but not living my truth,
Was I living a lie
I had to get it right in order to get what I wanted
I had to be this perfect role model I looked like in my social media
I had to be cured of my old ways and old mind sets, there was no room for bad days or mistakes.. my image depended on perfection.
But I was creating chaos, the need to be perfect, to make my dreams happen now, to control my life
I was relapsing.. my biggest fear was coming true.
I wasn’t perfect… I was scared of failing and instead I turned to self sabotage. No one else can let me down if I ruin it for myself.
I was binge drinking
I was binge eating and purging on occasion
I was overcomplicating everything
I was so indecisive about the smallest things
I was being negative and critical
I wasn’t enjoy the moments or having fun
I was arguing with my mind all day
I was sick for the first time in years and I was in a mental fog
I was jealous, angry and annoyed with the very people in my corner, a reflection of how I was feeling about myself
I was critical of my body and tearing apart the traits that made me me
I was lacking confidence and self love
I was getting frustrated with my team for lacking the same passion and motivation I had, For them not wanting things to happen now like I did. For not taking action and doing their part.
But this, this became my biggest lesson
This was happening to teach me to chill that things don’t have to happen right now just to enjoy the process
I don’t have to push so hard
I can let loose and have some fun
I don’t have to be working for the goal all day every day
And it’s ok to coach others while I’m learning
Because I am imperfect as they are
I am on a journey they can relate to
I Don’t have to do or be anything other than what I am right now, in this moment, imperfections and all
I was pushing
I was planning
I was no longer doing the things I loved for me
I was doing it because I had to; I was doing what I thought I was supposed to
And I was trying to prove something… to who I don’t know
I was anxious, scared and worried
I was sabotaging myself and my dreams because of my need to have it now
Until I stopped
I just surrendered
I let go
And let the process be
I got into a routine and gave myself some extra love and care
I took some time off
I neglected my to do list
And pulled out all the stops
Here are some Tips & Tricks I Used to pull myself out of a funk and get life back on track
❤Call a friend after meals; for me meal time was my biggest area of anxiety
❤Wait 20 min before acting, whether it be that dessert or snack, that text you want to send, the harsh words you are thinking… just wait
❤Get into routine, train your body
❤ DO LESS
❤Open the windows or get outside in the morning
❤Move your body, dance, run… just move
❤ Allow your emotions to be
❤Be lazy it’s ok
❤Listen to music; this changes everything for me
❤ Write some Love notes to yourself
❤❤❤❤Just sit with yourself and mediate, whatever meditation means to you, there are no rules!!! … every time I spend a few days away from my yoga and meditation I realize how much I need it i
❤Talk it through with yourself, be your own voice of reason
❤Candles; light them and love them ** my go to is lilac and vanilla
❤❤Walk in the house light a candle and turn on music, make this a habit
❤Sit with your meals in silence, take it in, enjoy the flavours be present in the moment
❤Send love to those you are jealous of; my mantra is I love you, I am sorry, Please forgive me and thank you… I will even direct this to myself.
❤❤❤Shop even just to try on clothes; this always makes me feel great ! Maybe it is just getting out of the house
❤Look at yourself in the mirror and love yourself; find ten things you adore, and you will find ten even on your worst days… dammnnn girl look at those eyes.
❤Look at pictures; of friends, family or even strangers, challenge yourself to and find something positive about every single one of them; NOT to be envious of
❤❤Find one good thing in every situation, no matter how dark it seems
❤Talk to a friend, email me if you can not find someone to talk to
❤❤❤❤❤❤Laugh.. force it if you have too !
❤ SMILE, it is absolutely impossible to have bad thoughts with a smile on your face… fake it till you make it girly
❤Watch a movie and relax
❤❤ Read a book, my go to’s are; The Happiness Equation, Perfect Health, How to Be a Bawse, Girl Code. They all inspire the efff out of me
❤Spend time with kids, it reminds us of the simpler days
❤❤Burn insense or sage, the smell is so soothing
❤Walk, anywhere or everywhere it will change your mood in a heartbeat
❤❤❤Unplug for 48 hours
❤Journal or write it out- helllo do you see this blog… some days I am a mental mess, and it’s freaking ok, but feels much better to let the words out !
❤❤❤❤Slow the eff down, and everything will get done eventually
❤❤Be nice to yourself and others
BE NICE TO PEOPLE, PEOPLE GET YOU PLACES
❤❤Clean up and throw old the old, purge that old receipt from 08 !
❤Make time to enjoy the simple pleasures in life; the hot tea at breakfast, the sunrise in the morning, the cool dew on the grass, the nature and beauty around you.
❤❤❤Give yourself a break you have done so much and come so far be proud❤❤❤
Now get off that couch, Shut off that victim status, put on some nice clothes, make yourself a nice dinner and buy yourself some flowers. Tonight is about you, you deserve it… and need it