I have been to the other side, and I am never going back (P.S they don’t have cookies). I grew up in a very modest family, we had 4 kids and low income. We did not have much, and we sure did not have what the other kids had. Often when people grow up without money, they can say “at least we had love.” In my case that was not true.
I had two parents who lived together, but couldn’t be in each other’s presence. A father that was involved and a mother who battled and severe depression that ran deep into our family roots- yet still was not mentioned or discussed.
We put on our fake smiles and went to church every Sunday. Followed my yelling matches and tears when we returned home. At 16, when a young girl needs a Mother, my mother decided she no longer wanted me. I was on my own. Me against the world.
I moved in with my Aunt, forcing me to uproot my life right before the beginning of my final year of high school. Little did I know this move would change my life, help me in the direction of finding me. Once I hit my 20s and was working my way through school and career.
My eyes began to open. I had thought it was normal, that everyone had the same negative, victim, world is against me mindset as I had. I had thought all families fought. That all marriages were unhappy. I never had the proud parents, the kisses, the hugs or the I love you.
I never had someone to talk to, to confide in. I never had a support system. That depression, stress and anxiety were just the way it was. For so long I had let my past define me, I was a victim to the cards I was dealt. I loathed the house, the family and the parents I had been raised with.
I was an adult, everything was changing & I questioned everything I had known. It was like my whole live someone had told me a water bottle was just that; a water bottle, then once on my own the world was saying ” no, no, no sweetie that is in fact milk.”
I had “battled” so much through out the years; eating disorders, mental illness, stress, depression and wanting to end my life, self hatred, self destruction, negativity, breakdowns, social anxiety, abuse, abusive relationships, emotional abuse, disrespect for and to myself; you name it… i probably have a check mark beside it.
So much that I hid; from friends, family the world. I was ashamed, I was scared, I didn’t know there was another way. That is when I began to rip apart the life I knew.
Open every book. Watch every documentary. I realized I was at a cross roads- I had two paths- Continue the path I was on, or change. I decided to change. I was no longer my past. My Past was no longer my future. I was in charge. I could create the life I wanted I was not a victim of circumstance. I was the one with the magic wand. I was calling the shots. I was creating a change that would last a lifetime.
My soul purpose now is to be honest, true and let my story inspire others. So they too may change their direction, stop and choose a different route, see the light & step into a future of happiness, success and positive vibes to see that you can choose your path; it does not choose you.